Today was an incredibly long day. I left the house at 7:00 am to be at school for an 8:00 am lab. Only two people showed up for this lab:( I had back to back classes all day, then had a diagnostic till 5:30. When I finished that I had worked with graduate student for half and hour on her thesis project. I left the building at 6:15 and got home at 6:45. Thank goodness for Rosa's Cafe or my family would have eaten PB&J for dinner.
I had one of those moments today where I wondered what in the world am I doing here? I was working with a sweet little girl about Katie's age and I couldn't help but think that I really just wanted to be home with Katie and Sydney and Jack. Most of the time it's okay because the things I am doing are while they are in school. Lately, however, I feel like I am required to stay later and later and I just don't want to do this anymore. I can't quit, I'm too far into it. Maybe I'm just a little blue, who knows. I have this aching sense that they are growing up and I am missing something. Maybe I would be feeling that anyway since they are gone the majority of the day to school. I feel so incredibly grateful for staying home with them while they were little. I know I need to be in school now that they are all in school or I would just spend my days watching soaps, shopping and eating bon-bons (seriously). I think I'm just so worried that I'm missing something important. It really makes me appreciate all the dads who go away everyday and never get that opportunity to stay home with their kids when they are little. I remember feeling a little jealous as Jesse would "escape" the house each day leaving me to handle things. Now I feel a little guilty for having envied his life, wanting to trade away all those wonderful times with little ones. I wouldn't trade for anything now.
Enough rambling. I'm done now and I think I should go watch the Olympics. That always cheers me up.
2 comments:
Sorry you had such a long day. Hang in there. You are such an incredible mom! You give your kids so much love and they take that with them when you're not able to be with them in person. You are so amazing with all that you are doing and accomplishing. Your example of hard work and getting and education is something that will inspire and strengthen your kids through out their lives. You are an inspiration and example to me too. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help out!
Thanks for the perspective. With Andy gone M-F and the homeschooling, at times, I get tired of the kid life and envy Andy for his quiet hotel room. But I know after two days in a quiet hotel room I would be aching for my little ones and the roudy craziness I hear buzz around me non-stop. In fact he might just have it harder than me. He has to live with out them.
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